Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
