Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
