you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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