so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
