bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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