Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
