can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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