My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
