i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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