do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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