Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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