fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
