A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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