are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
