I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
