i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
