I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
