Your dad touched me again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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