So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
