I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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