So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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