There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
