he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
