New invention idea: vibrating tampons
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
two words...techno handjob
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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