so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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