The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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