pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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