Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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