and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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