at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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