There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
