Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
