Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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