I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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