There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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