The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
