I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
