so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
