I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this just has baby written all over it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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