Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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