you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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