So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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