You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize