So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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