there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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