I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize