I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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