Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
