Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
