I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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