All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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