I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
