You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
