I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
