I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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