I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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