Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
