i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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