I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
