I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
