I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
