i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
