I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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