Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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