better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
