are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm like, not good at living.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
