weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
a search helicopter?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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