The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize