I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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