Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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