New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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